“Goga”: the next fad workout to perpetuate sexist notions of weight loss to women

Caught this on CNN:

It actually hurt my brain it was so offensive.

So, “Goga” is a repackaged, modern, “Curves”-style treatment of those total body vibration machines (originally invented by the Russians!) that were supposed to vibrate your fat cells off.

The technology is nothing new. For years, women have been told we can vibrate our ways to better physical health, while avoiding the development of "unwanted, masculine" muscles. It looks as silly now as it did then.
The technology is nothing new. For years, women have been told we can vibrate our ways to better physical health, while avoiding the development of “unwanted, masculine” muscles. It looks as silly now as it did then.

No lie; this is what people think they do. Except, now, apparently these machines are being sold as having the added effect of being a Bosu ball on speed: they also help you lose weight by making you have to balance against the vibration. “Shakeweight”, anyone?

A Goga machine is a Segway that doesn't take you anywhere.I repeat, it's a Segway. That. Doesn't. Take. You. Anywhere.
A Goga machine is a Segway that doesn’t take you anywhere.
I repeat, it’s a Segway. That. Doesn’t. Take. You. Anywhere.

Here’s the skinny: “Goga” studios claims that ten minutes on one of those contraptions is equal to 1hr in the gym. I went onto the Goga website looking for the science (because I’m a masochist) and, of course, found none. Just a lot of happy women telling me how they lost so much weight and got so much healthier after spending time on a vibrating platform.

Let me be clear — if you are a sedentary, minimally active, middle-aged woman who has never been active, you will lose weight with Goga. Why? Because a) you’ve actually made the decision to focus on your health when you signed up for this ridiculous thing, implying that you probably also have made a few other choices in your life that will focus you on your health, and b) even spending 10 minutes standing will cause you to lose weight versus if you ordinarily spent that time sitting on your couch watching TV.

Pretty much any sort of vertical activity will be better than spending your time doing this.
“If I stuck a vibrating massager under my butt, I could call this a workout.”

Don’t get me twisted: I’m not hating on the women and their new-found vibratory-induced health and fitness. But, “Goga” is literally the bare minimum of working out. It’s literally standing for ten minutes — sure standing on something that’s shaking, but that’s like calling your morning commute by subway a “workout”.

And, do we really need yet another fad workout that caters to the sexist notion that women need different workout programs than men? Everything in this segment, from the soothing spa music to the giant wall-mounted televisions to those god-awful green neoprene 2lb hand weights screams “women are fragile delicate creatures who shouldn’t lift weights like men”.

Which is totally sexist bullshit.

This kind of sexist bullshit.
This kind of sexist bullshit.

Women don’t need to “tone”. We don’t need to shake the fat of our hips. We don’t need to fear sweating, and avoid heavy breathing, and shy away from being dirty, and discourage muscle, and leave it to the men to lift heavy things and put them down. We don’t need “Curves” and “Planet Fitness” and “Goga”, which tells us that we should literally have a “no work” workout to get fit.

We are women. We are made of bone and muscle and sinew. We run, and lift, and sweat and, yes, we can be sexy while we’re doing it. We can be badass beautiful Amazons who can outlift any man on the gym floor.

Wonder Woman didn't vibrate her way to Amazon status.
Wonder Woman didn’t vibrate her way to Amazon status.

There really needs to be a moratorium on all that other crap out there that tells us otherwise.

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