My fellow embedded Chinese spies and subversives: the Chinese-Russian scheme to take over America is uncovered!
I posted earlier this month about my solemn decision to turn against our collective plot to become the new American overlords. After Christine O’Donnell uncovered top secret evidence of our villainy, I decided (after much soul-searching) that the game was up. I confessed that, though I am Chinese, and therefore racially obligated to help carry out our Chinese-Russian quest for world domination, I have lost faith in our goal. I urged my fellow loyal countrymen to turn away from our plans to invade America — militarily and economically — and to instead help fend off this threat to America’s shores.
I have great news to share today — news of the evil Chinese invasion of America is spreading!
Citizens Against Government Waste (CAGW) has released a political ad — “Chinese Professor” — that depicts the future that America is in store for if China’s plans succeed. It is a future where non-Chinese Asian students flock to Beijing universities so that they may listen in rapt attention to a Chinese professor speak badly accented Mandarin, where the wearing of tapshoes are mandatory, where boy band haircuts are required, where a band follows you around playing a constant stream of ominous music, where everyone keeps a picture of a Wall St. street sign on their iPad desktop, and where young people are forced to laugh hysterically at un-funny jokes. Oh, and where the Chinese Communist government, who apparently still reveres images of Chairman Mao, has suddenly decided to rail against government over-reach.
But, alas, there are many Chinese Americans on the interwebs who insist on mocking this important public service announcement, and in so doing lull Americans into false complacency. To wit, Adrien Chen at Gawker:
In the director’s cut, Gerard Butler bursts into the hall and machine guns the place to smithereens.
This is an extreme example of the well-documented trend on both the Left and the Right of using China as a bogeyman in the current election cycle. And as a Chinese American, I’m pretty pissed that CAGW revealed my secret plan to support the health care bill in order to hasten America’s inevitable decline. Too late, though. It passed! HA HA HA HA. GET TO WORK, AMERICA, OR FACE MY LASER WHIP. [Business Insider]
And, Left-wing progressives are already parodying this ad:
Laugh at your own peril, Americans! The invasion is upon us! Be a-feared-ed!!